Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize