All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
whose parrot is this?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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