i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
