well I can't set my house on fire every night
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
