Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
