i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
