I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
either way he was missing a nipple.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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