I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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