if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
