R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize