Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
