Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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