I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize