consequently i now know what mace tastes like
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
