Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
