I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Randomize
