Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
