is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
