Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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