Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
