wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
