bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
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