I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
