I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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