I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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