where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
