I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
