I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
