Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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