True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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