Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
