at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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