would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
