Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
