Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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