no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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