hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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