it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
