he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
whose ass print is on the piano?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
