In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
