Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
