Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
