They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
