Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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