How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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