He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize