You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Randomize
