My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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