We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
