Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
