I smell stomach acid.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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