Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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