do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
