eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Randomize
