So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
