I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I am available for nakedness
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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