you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
