He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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