Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
