so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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