she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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