OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
