I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
