So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
