There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
