Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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