Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
