Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
